I wish you told me before
by MysteryPrincessa
Summary: Dean tries to kill himself, but after he is saved by a certain angel and a good heart to heart with his brother he realizes his life isn't all that bad. And it only gets better after a talk with his savior.


The first thing he felt was the cold. He had thought the first thing he'd notice would be the pain, but he'd been wrong, the cold was so overwhelming that it was all that could be felt.

When he was standing on top of the bridge, he hadn't felt cold. Or maybe he just didn't notice, as all he could feel at that moment was the emptiness and the pain of life. He didn't mean to go to the bridge tonight, but he'd ended up there anyway. Like there was no other path for him.

And as he stood on top of the bridge, all alone and miserable, he figured it just wasn't worth it.

And so he jumped. That is when all the pain disappeared and the cold water took over.

But as the coldness took over, there was one other thought that filled his mind: How can I feel this? Why am I not dead yet? But all thoughts soon left his mind, as the world turned black.

...

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

It was a steady, yet annoying sound he was hearing. He couldn't figure out what it was, because when he tried to open his eyes, he found that he couldn't. What was going on? Where was he?

He needed to get his eyes open. He tried again and this time he succeeded into opening his eyes just a little bit. It wasn't enough to see where he was yet, but at least he knew he wasn't blind.

And that is when someone started talking.

"Dean! You're awake!", he heard. He had some trouble placing the voice, but when they started talking again he realized it was his baby brother Sam. "Dean, I'm glad you're alive, but don't ever do that again!" He was confused. What did he do? But he needed to see his little brother.

So he opened his eyes. Completely this time. And the first thing he saw was his brothers face hovering over him. "Heya, Sammy", he said. Or at least, he tried to say that. What came out was barely even a whisper. When he looked past Sam, he realized he was in a hospital room.

He tried to figure out what happened, and that is when he remembered the cold water. O God, he jumped of the freaking bridge. No wonder Sammy sounded mad. "Sammy, I'm sorry, there was just no other path for me anymore." He said. But all that got him was a weird look from Sam, and after that a really mad one. "Dean, what the hell are you talking about? How could there not be another path if the path you took was suicide? Dean, why would you do that?"

He looked at Sam with a sad and guilty look on his face. "Because nobody needs me Sam. I'm not needed anymore, and I had just nothing left to live for. You hate me, Cas should hate me after what I did to him when I had the mark, and everyone else I have ever known is dead."

Sam frowned. "How the hell did you get it in your head that I hate you?"

"You said so yourself Sam, remember?" he answered.

"Dean…" Sam started, "we had a fight, I was mad, and I said things I didn't mean. Don't you know how much I need you? It doesn't matter that I am not a child anymore that needs taken care of like you always did for me, I will always need you. I am so glad you are alive, Dean. Please don't ever do that again. You are loved you know. By me and by Cas. Cas doesn't hate you, Dean. He misses you."

Dean was surprised. It had felt like Sam meant it when he said he didn't need Dean and that he hated him. And why the hell would Cas still care about him. All he is is a piece of shit. He felt tears rolling over his cheeks. "Sam, is that all true? If Cas still cares about me, then where is he? And how did I survive anyway? I really thought I would be dead. "

At this Sam smiled. "Cas is right outside that door, Dean. He wasn't sure you wanted to see him, as you have been pushing him away lately. And as to how you survived… that was Cas to. We were sitting in the Bunker's library when Cas suddenly said you were in pain and he had to go help you. And then he disappeared, which is when I started freaking out because I had no idea what was going on. Then I got a call from Cas saying you jumped of a bridge and he pulled you out of the water and that you were in the hospital, which is when I really started freaking out. And now we are here." Suddenly all Dean could do was smile. Cas saved him and he was here. Cas saved him. And he was here. "Sammy, will you go get Cas please? Of course I want to see him, I just pushed him away because I deserved to be hated." Sam said nothing, he just smiled knowingly and stood up, leaving the room.

…

It took a few minutes before the door opened again, and in this very short time, Dean had managed to fall asleep. But he woke up instantly when he heard the familiar voice say "Hello, Dean."

O man, he loved that voice. He opened his eyes and found Cas's amazing blue eyes staring down at him. "Hey, Cas. Thanks for saving me." He said with a small smile. But Cas didn't smile. He looked so, so sad, and it broke Deans heart that he'd been the one to cause it. "Cas, I'm sorry. I should never have done it. I just thought I wasn't important anymore. " he thought for a second and then added "I thought you hated me. I couldn't live knowing that you hated me."

Hearing this made Cas's heart melt and sink to his stomach at the same time. He felt so bad for causing Dean pain, but he was also a little bit happy Dean cared about him so much that he couldn't bear the thought of him hating him. It was time to clear a few things up.

"Dean. " he began, "I could never hate you. What you did to me wasn't you. It was the mark. And even if it was you, I still would not be able to hate you. I could try, but it would never work. Because I need you too much. I care about you too much. I love you too much. "

Dean's eyes widened and he immediately reacted, saying "You love me?". He immediately regretted that enthusiastic response, as Cas just could have meant love like a brother. But when he looked up and looked Cas in the eyes he saw something that wasn't brotherly love. His eyes really were full of love and fondness. "Very much so Dean. I don't just love you. I am in love with you and I am so, so glad I could save you. When I felt your pain I was so worried and -" Dean cut him off. "Stop it right there Cas. Please don't worry anymore. You saved me, I was an idiot and now I know better. " he said. Cas began to smile a little. "Oh, and Cas, for the record. I love you too. Always have. "

Cas's smile widened and it was the most beautiful thing Dean had ever seen. "Dean, will you let me heal you so I can get us out of here?" Dean had to chuckle at that, he winked and said "Only if you promise to take care of me anyway." This made Cas blush a little, and Dean thought it was adorable. But Cas quickly got himself together and said "Oh trust me Dean, I will take care of you tonight.", before he zapped them out of there.

 **Hey guys, hope you liked it! It would mean so much to me if you would leave a review! Thanks for reading anyway! You are all great.**


End file.
